Hey guys! I know, I know, it’s been 100+ days since my last post. I’m terrible. No wonder I don’t have a popular blog. But I’m back, and hopefully I will be around a lot more in the coming days. After all, I don’t have much of a life right now.
My title may confuse you, because clearly I haven’t started this post out talking about anything that has to do with being yourself. But I’m getting to that in just a second, don’t worry. First, I want to tell you a little story about a girl.
This girl, has moved every two or three years of her life. Which is a totally unknown concept to some, and very familiar concept to many. She has grown up in an amazing home with a wonderful family. She has lived in some wonderful beautiful places. But sometimes, she just doesn’t feel like she belongs anywhere. Can’t she just be someone new each time she moves? Maybe, but that doesn’t feel right. In fact, that’s worse than just being herself all the time.
Anyway, that girl is me, and I have been struggling with this whole “be yourself” thing a lot for the last few years. I know for a fact that I am different than anyone else. I’m weird, and crazy, and maybe sometimes funny, and pretty sarcastic, there are a ton of things that I could list about myself. But the more I think about my own characteristics and the things that I enjoy, the more I feel like an outcast. Maybe it’s because I’ve had some of my closest friends insult the way that I dress or act, before. That has happened multiple times actually, and it made me feel horrible. It still does sometimes.
Maybe it’s because of the way that the press makes it seem like you have to be absolutely perfect, or else no life for you. I’ve always hated the way that the press works. They make everyone seem perfect, and then suddenly the human that you have put so much pressure on to be perfect makes ONE mistake and all of a sudden the press turns around and says some mean nasty things about the human, and completely rips them apart. Do you think they see all of that? Most likely. And it probably makes them feel terrible.
Where that fits in to my main topic, I don’t know. I just had to rant. Interpret it however you would like, to make it fit to the topic. Anyway, I currently don’t have any local friends. I haven’t for a little over a year. (UPDATE: I have found a group through some people at my church, and I am thanking God for them every day. They have been the most welcoming group I’ve met in a while)! That feels not great. But jumping into a new place trying to make new friends doesn’t feel great at all, either. When we were all younger kids, clicking with someone was the easiest thing in the world. Once you hit the age of, I don’t know, say, ten? Things get a little harder. And then each year after that it gets even harder. People are judge-y. People can’t stand it when you are a little bit weird, or you are a bit different than them. They just don’t like it.
I don’t get it. Constantly society is telling us, BE YOURSELF, BE ORGINAL, you know, all of those things. But then society turns around and is like, “WHOAAA WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING, COMING UP IN HERE BEING ALL UNIQUE WITH YOUR DIFFERENT VIEWS AND BELIEFS AND HOBBIES!? NO, NO, NO, THIS IS NOT OKAY. ACT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. ONLY LIKE THE THINGS THAT WE LIKE. ONLY THEN WILL YOU FIT IN!” WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO? I DONT KNOW, I’M LOST, GIVE ME THE INSTRUCTION MANUAL.
But guess what? Being yourself actually feels really good. You may have a better chance of clicking with someone if you be yourself. Who wants to pretend to be someone that they aren’t, and then end up with a group of friends that pressures you into doing all these things that you don’t enjoy? That’s horrible, trust me, I would know. I ended up with this group of friends at one point in my life, that enjoyed all these things that I don’t truthfully didn’t really enjoy. They took my personality and flipped it upside down. Suddenly I wasn’t the confident, talkative, bubbly person that I know I used to be. I became quiet, and I would hardly say a word around anyone in that friend group. I would just sit. No one would take the time to listen to my stories, or my input, so why should I even bother? I’m became less confident, because they enjoyed insulting each other and disguising it as a joke. It happened to me several times. And a bubbly personality goes away pretty quick when you lose the talkative and confident girl.
To be continued, because it is currently 2:35am, and I am feeling quite tired.
I just found this post while going through my drafts, and I have decided to publish it. I know it seems a little unfinished, but I hope it still makes sense. I may come back to this topic at some point. I hope you all enjoy it!